Sorry, it's been a while... I'm really blimmin' busy. No time. Busy busy busy. Mustn't stop. Always rushing.
Anyway, welcome to today's blog post. It is confused. It can't make up its mind if it's angry, sad or just laughing at you.
I've become tired of 'fashion'. Fashion just isn't my thing... I'm more of a 'see it, like it, wear it' kind of girl... And at the moment, I am just not seeing much I like. Which is probably a good thing, seeing as I'm poorer than I HAVE EVER BEEN.
So, here is a list of a few of the ugly fashions. Some of them may not be recent, I don't know... They're just weird trends that I've noticed - and to be frank - I hate.
The first one - loafers. Ugly shoes offend me, and these are quite simply no exception. Do you want to know why? It is really, very simple... I'm pretty sure my Granny has had shoes like this. And she's in her 80's. So I can only conclude that they are not chic, sexy or attractive in any way, shape or form. Even worse than the ones pictured here, are brown loafers with tassels, or any colour loafer with that kind of, goldie lookin' chain on the toe... You know the one I mean. Maybe that's where the crap band got their name from. Ugly shoes.
Hi. I make your feet look like the feet of a Grandmother.
2. "Vintage" Jumpers.
Now, this time I am referring to a fashion that your Grandfather may have once been involved in. He probably wore this on chilly winter evenings while listening to the wireless and smoking his pipe. I honestly believe that if I came home in one of these, the Mister would probably bash me over the head with something and take me to the nearest mental hospital.
I'm so turned on right now, I want to remove your clothes piece by piece while... No. I can't keep a straight face. There's no way to make this atrocity sexy.
THESE ARE MAN SHOES?! ARE YOU MENTAL?!
I'm not saying that there aren't people out there who can pull it off. I'm just saying, I'd like to pull them off and throw them into the Thames. Dirty, dirty Thames. Where they belong.
4. Harem Pants
Let me introduce you to these little wonders. If you've never seen them before, let me explain their purpose - They're really very baggy around the top, and tight at the bottom. This means, you can store all your things in there, and bish-bash-bosh no need for a handbag! Sorted.
And if you get caught short there's room for a cheeky poo in there too!
5. Women's Tuxedo
There's a reason women don't wear men's clothes. It's because we're women. The end.
Hello. I call myself Neil at the weekends.
6. Palazzo Trouser
Now I'll be honest, I don't hate ALL of these. On some women - mainly tall, and very very skinny ones, they can look quite elegant. However, on a NORMAL person, they look ridiculous. I especially hate patterned ones...
When you wear these, you may as well be wearing a floaty, swooshy migraine.
7. Harness Accessories
Apparently this is the latest in fashion.
I honestly don't even know what to do with this.
I think if I was wearing this, I'd feel like I should be hanging from someone's ceiling. In a dungeon. In my knickers. And I'm not into that.
I'm kinky, but I'm wearing a shirt so you know I'm classy too... Or something.
8. Collar Accessories
Uuuuum... I'm confused. Could she not decide what to wear? Because that dress/top thing is actually quite sexy. Her hair is pretty. Her makeup is very well done. And then some fucker cut the collar off of her Dads shirt and glued it to her neck, and now she is stuck with it forever. That's all I can assume, because I don't think she'd have worn that out of choice. Would she?
I mean... If you want to wear a shirt... Just... Y'know... Wear a shirt.
The last thing on my list, is something I have hated with a burning, passionate, fiery vengeance for a very, very long time. I mean, I really truly cannot find anything good about them. I'm not certain that they count as a 'fashion' in the same sense as the rest of the items, but I couldn't leave them out. I'm sure they're very comfortable... But for me to wear these at any point in my life I would have to be chloroformed or something, because they really, truly are the most offensive shoes I have EVER seen. I genuinely do not understand them. My Mum (sorry Mum) had some lilac ones, and when she put them on... Well. I wanted to push her over. And I love my Mum. Just maybe... Maybe not as much as I hate Crocs.
The day these became available to buy was the day that I died inside.
That's all folks. I look forward to indignant comments...