Jodie Marsh

So, it has been all over the news and the internet over the last couple of days - Jodie Marsh and her new body.


I'm pretty sure most people who hear her name think of the sort of attractive girl, big cans, always in some kind of meaningless competition with Katie Price, usually pretty much naked in public. Good body by most people's standards - in proportion (except for those massive boobs. Although to be fair, they aren't as bad as some) and sexy, if you like that sort of thing.


Apparently this whole time she has secretly hated her body, and described herself as 'flabby, fat and full of cellulite'.

Yep. Huge. Disgusting... Bet if you poked her she'd wobble for days.

Over the past 2 months or so, Jodie has been eating 15 egg whites a day and protein shakes - as she's a vegetarian she can't eat the usual bodybuilder diet of fish and chicken. She's been working out a fair bit too I'd say... And now looks like this.

Wowzers.

Now, I'd say she's had some pretty mixed reactions here, but the majority of them are something along the lines of 'What the FUCK have you done to yourself you mad crazy bitch?!'.

My first thought upon seeing the picture was similar to be honest. But then I read the article that accompanied it. 

Her self-confidence was so low previously that she hated herself and apparently went for 2 years without sex. That is a long old time to go, can safely say the longest I've been without it since I started doin' it was about 4 months. 2 YEARS?! Poor girl. That must have sucked, big time. Apparently men were never interested in her - I think I speak for most of us when I say Jodie, most men would have had a go on you to be honest. They were probably just intimidated, because you seemed bat shit crazy. High maintenance. Demanding. Irritating. Nice I'm sure... But mental nonetheless. 

She's had a lot of flack for this new look - people telling her she looks manly. She says she doesn't give a shit.

My respect for Jodie has increased dramatically over the last 2 days. I used to see her as a completely good for nothing, boring slapper. (I don't sugarcoat.) However - she has done something I think most people should have a go at - no not body building - she has changed her outlook, her attitude and her life completely. Her new look may not be for everyone - but she seems so happy and confident with it that it makes her personality a million more times appealing. I almost think I could actually get on with New Jodie. She loves her new body. She has achieved it through, in her words 'bloody hard work and nothing else' and while it may not be everyone's idea of a good time, it shows incredible strength of character. She says that before body building she was depressed and suicidal - and now she feels at peace with herself, and is getting attention from men like never before.

What more can I say. It's not your new look that is bringing you the attention from the men my love - it's your new found confidence, dedication and happiness. It says a lot about you that you can work so hard to achieve so much in such a short amount of time - a lot of people may see it as shallow, a waste of energy -whatever. I see it as a very sad woman doing something for herself to change her own life - no matter what people say about her. She is finally getting attention because SHE is happy with HERSELF, not because she is conforming to some bizarre stereotype of 'an attractive woman'. And she doesn't give a shit what the tabloids and critics say about her, which is so refreshing.

Well done Jodie. Keep it up. Keep making yourself happy. I'm not saying everyone should become a bodybuilder - but everyone should be willing to put hard work into making themselves happier, and improving their life - whatever their appearance. 

Pure Loveliness

Right, I'm a bit irate today for some reason (to be honest this happens fairly regularly at the moment...) Usually I would vent my frustrations with a bit of a rant about something or another, or have an argument with some poor unsuspecting victim, but today I have decided to try an entirely different approach to dealing with my rage. (As time goes on, if I continue the blog, you'll become familiar with my rage.)


Today, I am going to post a list of purely lovely things that make me happy.*


First off, is this.

Honestly, I don't think I've ever seen something this cute. It made me go all gooey and ridiculous.

The second thing that makes me happy is this...

Or any Edward Monkton actually, he is a bit of a genius.

Number Three...

Yes, I know we've established I like shoes. But I like sparkly things more, and if I owned these shoes I would sleep in them. Actually, putting them on my feet just seems disrespectful... I'll let them have my pillow. Not everyone's cup of tea but flippin' heck I love them.

Number four is this delightful specimen...

You're welcome ladies.

And five would be this.

Oh HI one of my favourite songs of all time. You cheer me up.

*I'd like to point out, there are a lot of other things that make me happy too. Like my man, Mini-Me, my family, my friends, the cats, driving my car, a million other types of shoes, all of the Edward Monkton pictures, looking at crazy wedding dresses, walking my parents dog a billion other bands and songs, Big Bang Theory, Banksy, Barbara Kruger, cocktails, dancing, festivals, gigs, moshpits, blogging, saying 'Grow some balls' and 'man the fuck up' when people are being pathetic... and so on and so forth. 


I actually do feel loads better now. It worked. Try it.

I'm an ANIMAL...

Ok so, I'm not what you might call a dedicated follower of fashion. I tend to pick and choose what I think will suit me, adapt it to my style and I don't think I do TOO badly out of this. Some may argue but that is irrelevant, because I simply do. Not. Care. I genuinely wear what I want, whatever I feel like when I wake up really. I guess I am edging over to 'alternative' style though, if you'd call it that. I'm all about the skinny jeans and converse, or what I like to call 'ass kickin' boots. I do wear quite a lot of black, but that doesn't mean I don't like bright colours. I am currently going through a phase of making my fringe into a quiff, I flippin' well love pink or red lipsticks, but the thing that makes me happiest of all is LEOPARD PRINT.


I know, I know. A lot of people see something leopard print and automatically assume 'Kat Slater'. 


This simply is not the case, and this post is dedicated to me defending, and even PROMOTING leopard print. *gaspshockhorror!* And other animal prints to be fair, but mainly leopard. The big trends for this season (and I do know this, for a fact) are layering, and faux fur. This opens up SO MANY DOORS for us. 


So, I own a lot of leopard print stuff - to start with there's underwear, obviously. I have recently aquired a pair of grey leopard print skinny jeans, which I'm completely and ridiculously in love with. I have a good few animal print tops - various colours. And I definitely have some animal print socks. I have both a leopard print and a zebra print handbag. And some leopard print shoes. Heels and flats. Yeah.


Now, there are a few rules I stick to when buying/wearing an animal print. I call them 'The Looking Awesomely Sexy In Animal Print Commandments'.


1. Do not combine animal prints. One at a time people. Otherwise you're going to end up looking like you've been to the zoo and treated it as Pic'n'Mix. Nobody will want to see you, you will give them a headache. So just NO.


2. Less is more. I would not wear a red leopard print top with a green zebra print cardigan over it and my grey leopard print jeans with a gold leopard print pair of shoes. That simply is not the done thing. Imagining this makes me ponder what a leopard would look like if Bella ate a box of crayons and threw up on it. Not pretty at all.


3. Do ease yourself in gently. It can be quite a frightening prospect... What if you screw it up? What if you end up looking like this?! 

DO NOT WORRY. Start with some jewellery or something small. A scarf is a nice way to do it too.


4. It is best, for the most part, not to wear prints that are too revealing. 


What I mean is, don't make yourself look like a low class hooker. It's not awesome. It will get you all the wrong attention. Unless you like that sort of thing in which case, crack on, but you HAVE been warned.


5. It's probably best to stay away from Lycra/Spandex etc. I don't think I need to explain this one really. That's a rule most people should stick with anyway, but especially when it comes to animal prints.


6. Work it in with the current trends. Really very easy... Like I said, LAYERING AND FAUX FUR. We LOVE this season.




So, there you have it. One example of my take on fashion. To finish off, here are a few things I need in my life... Soon.

http://www.gothabillys.com/leopard-print-coat-1220-p.asp

http://www.arkclothing.com/Ark_Female/Shop_by_brand/Motel/Motel_Jean_Animal_Print_Dress2.html

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0051BM18C/ref=asc_df_B0051BM18C4662954?smid=AIEBOJ2B20IC5&tag=googlecouk06-21&linkCode=asn&creative=22218&creativeASIN=B0051BM18C

I'm sure Father Christmas can do SOMETHING about this? Right? 

<3 X


*For the benefit of my best friend Shelley who thinks this bag is hideous... Read the top. I. Just. Don't. Care. I love it. It would be a statement. I like statements.

Baking

Alright so, in this case, I am a bit of a typical 'Mum' in the sense that I LOVE BAKING.


My Mum is an excellent cook and I enjoy most things she makes, but her cakes are seriously good. So in short, I got brought up eating awesome cake (amongst other things).


I would quite happily bake every single day of my life. For about a month and then I'd probably get fed up of working in a hot kitchen and all the washing up, but you get my point. 


I like to bake for other people - I get a lot of satisfaction watching somebody enjoying something I have made, and I always like to be told I'm good at something... Everyone loves a little ego boost from time to time! I quite frequently bake on a Thursday and take the goods to work on a Friday. It goes down well, I'm not going to lie. In all fairness I think it is one of the only reasons my boss likes me (not you Em, the other one). She only started to like me after I started feeding her cake.


Today, I've made Toffee Apple Crumble and Apple, Raisin and Cinnamon flapjacks.


Thought I'd share a recipe with you. It's been adapted off the top of my head from a recipe for flapjack that my Mum gave me, and I THINK that it came from my Great Aunty... Who knows, it could have been from either Granny, I'm sorry that I don't know that.


So. You will need....


Condensed milk - about 1/3 of a can
Porridge oats - a 1kg bag... You'll probably need between 500-600g, 
Golden Syrup - 4 tbsp
Brown sugar - 245g (i'll admit, I do round this up to 250g. Now that you mention it.)
Butter - 300g
Raisins - handful?
2 cooking apples
cinnamon




Heat the sugar, golden syrup and butter gently, stirring all the time until completely melted.


Grate in the 2 cooking apples.*


Chuck in a handful of raisins...


Sprinkle some cinnamon over the top... About 3/4 tsp depending on how much you like it.


Stir it all together and heat gently for a little while. Like... a minute. Then put about 1/3** of a can of condensed milk in and stir it.


Chuck in the porridge oats a little bit at a time and stir well. Make sure all oats are covered. 


Put into a tray of some description and bake it at 160 degrees for about 20 minutes, and then if you like the top to be a bit crispy, whack it up to about 200 for a few minutes. 


Leave it to cool in the tin.


* I really don't know if grating apples was the right thing to do. Maybe they would be better off diced or something, or even dried apple... I will experiment. Feel free to let me know if you decide to try it out.
** ABOUT 1/3, but remember the more you put in the more gooey your flapjack will be and it is likely to be best eaten with a spoon and some ice cream. Trust me. If you put in less than 1/3 it will probably end up being firmer, a bit more chewy.


Mine look like this...

Om Nom Nom Nom Nom...

I'll be really honest, they're pretty good but I think these sorts of things could always be improved upon. If you have any idea's please leave me a comment and let me know... 


If anyone actually tries this recipe I'd love some feedback too! 


<3

Plastic Surgery and Ageing...

I just found a pure white hair in my eyebrow. I'm not even joking a little bit.


This has got me thinking about why we are so worried about ageing, and what lengths we will go to avoid it... 


I am 24 years old, 5 foot 6 inches, 10 stone 3lbs and a size 10-12. Reasonable I'd say, pretty much average for the UK woman. I don't hate my body, I don't hate my face... I'm not the biggest fan of my hair but that is why I change my colour and style every 10 minutes and have been dying it since I was 11. 


When I'm an old lady, I would HOPE that I will still have a similar figure - I will work hard to keep it that way (unless we're talking exercise, which I do in fits and starts but can never stick to anything longer than a week. Ahem.)


I'm not too worried about going grey - I just figure I'll be one of these old ladies who has a pink/purple/blue rinse and tattoos and a pierced nose. I'll age gracefully, in a way. I don't even really care about wrinkles that much - I figure they just show the ups and downs of your life... Laughter and frowns.


I can understand celebrities wanting to stay looking young - they must worry that in that business, once your looks are gone, if you're as talentless as most of them are you've basically got nothing going for you. And no fall back plan either, unless you marry someone richer than you while you're still hot enough to catch them... And even then there's a good chance that when you do get old, they'll just dump you and replace you with a younger model. Harsh.


BUT. This does not mean I agree with the lengths people go to, to stop their lovely wrinkles appearing and boobs from sagging and waist from getting less defined and chin drooping etc etc etc...


Leslie Ash got a lot of stick when she had her lips done... But that is because it really did look awful. She looked so much better before. 

See? What did you go and do that for Leslie? You were such a pretty lady. Then you made yourself look like a Riddler. And Riddlers really scare me...

SEE?! You know I'm right. She looks like Tiddler. The Riddler. And isn't that thing really horrendous?! 


Another example of trying to stay looking young going badly...

Oh Courtney. You used to be so pretty. Seriously questionable life choices, but pretty. Now look at you. What were you thinking.


Then you've got the obvious ones - Donnatella Versace, Jocelyn Wildenstein, Michael Jackson, Janet Jackson, Tori Spelling, Mickey Rourke, Gary Busey.


Anti-ageing creams and lotions are everywhere you look now - TV, magazines, posters on bus stops. What is the obsession about staying young? 


I can safely say I will never have Botox. I will never be committed enough to plaster my face in cream every single day. I barely moisturise anyway, the women who work at the Clinique/Clarins counters would faint if I told them my 'skin care routine'... "uuuh yeah so I put my makeup on, then I sometimes remove it with a babywipe. But not before I've slept in it. And then I put more makeup on... and sleep in it, and remove it with a babywipe." 


I've lost my trail of thought a little bit because I got very distracted looking at pictures of botched plastic surgery. I have spent a good 15 minutes gasping at Google Images.


The point I think I was trying to make is - Stop obsessing about looking young. Look after yourself, eat healthy food, drink lots of water and all the other good advice that people give. But try not to go too mental, because if you get to the point of looking like this:

You have probably gone a bit too far, and sadly, there is no going back. I mean really, I'm sure she's a lovely person but she looks like a character out of the Labyrinth. Like she should be one of David Bowie's creatures. 


You don't want to end up like that. 

Children... and Parenting.

Children. Can't live with them, can't live without them.


Actually, you can live with them, it's just REALLY REALLY hard work...


My little Mini-Me is 2 years and 5 months old (nearly) and is completely loopy. She's also VERY clever (I'm not exaggerating, I'm sure. She uses words such as 'fanspastic' and 'berlicious' and frequently tells me i'm 'brooafool'* so she must be clever.) She is a whirlwind of energy that has thrown my entire life and all of my priorities up into the air, and they've landed, on the ground in a rather muddled mess, with her sat RIGHT on the top with a cheeky grin on her face.


Now. I am not a perfect parent. There are times when she drives me completely mental. She can be VERY naughty and has, as I may have said before, got my attitude. Except worse. With her, the attitude has been squished right down into a very tiny, concentrated package.


What I really really do not understand is how some parents can want to push their little girls into growing up so. Very. Fast.


Nowadays, you see 6 year old girls (and younger) being paraded around on a stage in front of a panel of 'judges' with full faces of makeup on - hair extensions in and hair styled with curlers/straighteners. Fake eyelashes. Fake tans.


Then, they take it a step further. You can now buy, a PADDED BRA for an 8 YEAR OLD. 


And also, I heard on the radio this morning... 5 inch heels aimed at 6 year olds.


What. The. Hell.


My big sister is 5 years older than me, so when she started wearing makeup at - Oh I don't know - 15 years old!? I used to LOVE having her do 'makeovers' on me. We'd sit in the garden in the summer time, or in our bedroom and she'd try out different eyeshadows, lipsticks and other stuff. Occasionally and NOT with my permission, she'd make me look even MORE ridiculous than a 10 year old in makeup usually looks. It was fun though.


However, had I thought of leaving the house aged 10 with a full face of makeup on, I think I would have been given a hiding. Saying that though... I don't think the thought ever crossed my mind. At 10 years old I was happy with my face, and never dreamed of having to get dolled up to go out. 


I don't think that aged 6, I ever thought about putting on a pair of 5 inch heels. I was too busy taking off my babies clothes and re-dressing them, or putting high heeled shoes on my BARBIE for crying out loud. 


I just cannot, in any way see what would motivate a Mum to push her daughter into these things at such an early age. Mini-Me likes tractors. And animals. And mud. And I am so, so SO happy about that. I hope she likes those things until she is at least 14. Then she can start wearing a little bit of mascara or something. 


Before then... FUCK. NO. Nobody is going to be pressurizing my little girl into wearing makeup, having low self esteem, poor body image and knackered feet and back. Get away from her, or I will scar you for life. Just sayin'.










*These words, translated, are 'fantastic', 'delicious' and 'beautiful'. In case you were wondering.

"Alternative Models"

Now, before I get started on my rant, I'd like to say not ALL alternative models make me want to punch them. For example you have the exceptionally beautiful Fae Raven - see http://www.facebook.com/LittleMissFaeRaven And you'll see what I mean. Her photo's definitely do not offend my eyes. She is a legitimate model, and her pictures are lovely to look at. See also Charlotte Herbert - http://www.facebook.com/CharlotteHerbsModel - I really like this chick too, she's got a gorgeous body, a lot of attitude and fair fucking play for showing off your assets, both of you. Respect.


So, this is something I have thought for quite some time now. What is an 'alternative' model? Because it seems to me it's just a label that people use as an excuse half the time for really rough looking girls to take their clothes off. 


I'm aware that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but really... The photo's that you put up are just. Plain. Offensive. To my eyes. I mean really, you make me want to gouge my eyes out, with a hot hot spoon. I'm sure someone, somewhere will pay you a compliment for your efforts, but I assure you, 95% of the population do not want to see it.


I'm not going to name any names, because I'm a bitch but I'm not brave enough to publicly slag people off on a blog (I think that is a touch TOO mean) But WHY do girls nowadays - between the ages of 16 and 30 usually - feel it is necessary to take off their clothes, get into a 'seductive' *coughskankycough* pose - usually involving a motorbike, or a guitar - and get their pervy male friend photographer to take photo's of them? Just to post on Facebook? They are not promoting anything. They are not showing off their assets. Some of them, have an acceptable body... But your face needs a paper bag over it love. The world will be a better place if you COVER YOURSELF UP. Seriously.


Now some people may read this and think I'm jealous. Or that I just don't have a body that I'd like to get out and display in public. Jealous? No. I am however a realist. I am proud of my body - but my boobs are less than perfect due to nearly a year of breastfeeding, and I have stretchmarks that go OVER my belly button that can be blamed on the same perfect little minx. I am happy with that, I accept it.


More importantly, I don't feel the need to put pictures of myself up half naked on the internet, because I don't need anyone's approval. Newsflash girls, for the most part, you are not showing the world how independent and alternative you are, and you're certainly not showing your rockstar 'I don't care what you think' attitude. You're BEGGING for people to notice you, you're begging for approval and you're making yourself seem desperate for attention. Why do you care so much what random men think of you? Is their approval REALLY going to make you happy? Will it really make you feel better about yourself? No. 


Here's my advice - unless you're actually successful, and have a hope of making a living - find a new hobby, a new road to take. One that when you have children, won't make them want to kill themselves from the embarrassment. If the only comments you get are based around what these men would like to do to you - realise that this doesn't mean they actually value you in any way, shape or form. 


Call me old fashioned but... Surely it's better to be valued for your mind, your sense of humour and your passion for life, rather than your excellent ability to get your tits and fanny out at a minutes notice?


I'd like to say again, this isn't aimed at EVERY model. It certainly isn't aimed at any of my very beautiful and talented friends who have chosen to do this, be it professionally or as a hobby. It's for the other ones. You know... The crap ones.