Why I Hate Reality TV...

Now then.


Hate is a very strong word. A word that I would usually reserve for murderers, rapists, paedophiles, sushi and the occasional ex boyfriend, but a word that also relates very well to how I feel about 'Reality' TV.

There is nothing good about Sushi. Ever. If you eat sushi, you may as well give up on life.

To clarify, when I say 'reality' TV, I specifically mean the following programs...

• Big Brother
• The Only Way Is Essex
• Made In Chelsea
• Jersey Shore
• The Hills
• X Factor
• Pop Idol
• Anything else along those lines. Except for the occasional episode of Britains Got Talent, but only because I really enjoy watching the dance troupes. For the record I did not rate Faces Of Disco or the little singing girl. You know the one. The creepy one.

Faces of Dicks... Oh.

Oh, I also really don't like any of Kerry Katona or Katie Price's 'reality' series. But that's for a different post...

I've mentioned my hatred of 'Made in Chelsea' before, possibly in connection to the following threats to my fiancee when he's made the mistake of putting it on our telly:

"If you don't turn this over right now, I'm going to run you over with my car."

"If you insist on keeping this on the telly, you have got NO idea how hard I will punch you."

"Turn it off. Turn It Off. Turn It OFF. TURN IT OFF. TURN IT OFF. TURN IT OFF OR DIE."

That particular program fills me with a soul destroying rage, and I can't put my finger on exactly why, but it could be any or all of these things:

• The accent. There is something really annoying about the accent. Usually it wouldn't bother me, but I think when you've got that accent combined with the rest of these points it just sends me over the edge.
• The 'look'. I really really hate the look of all of these people. I mean, their faces... (I'm going to borrow a phrase from one of my bosses now) Their faces really offend me and affect my day. Alright, it's not so much the colour of their eyes or hair, but the expressions. Don't they always seem to be pulling a face that says 'I think I'm SO AMAAHZING.'
• The point. I really, can honestly say I do not understand what the creators were thinking...
  "Hey I've got this idea for a new TV program"
  "Oh right... What's that then?"
  "Well, we make a reality TV show, but we script it."
  "Right... So do we use real actors then?"
  "No. We take completely talentless people, and script their real lives so that we have a massively unentertaining and unconvincing television program about literally nothing."
  "I LOVE IT! Let's do it."

Once upon a time, my Fiancee informed me that he finds the accent on "Made In Chelsea" attractive.

Now, usually I don't mind things like that. But in my head, him saying he finds ANYTHING about those girls attractive is the equivalent of me saying I would like to have a threesome with Jedward. It. Is. Not. Right.

Seriously. How is it possible that they were BOTH dropped on their heads at birth?!

Now, as for Big Brother - FOR FUCKS SAKE, JUST GIVE UP ALREADY. Just let it die. It's not exciting. It's not interesting. It is not a social experiment. It is getting a bunch of complete tossers into a house and making them do ridiculous things. Which would only be entertaining for me if I was in charge.

"Todays challenge housemates, is to avoid the bloody great big hungry lion that I've just let in through the front door. The one who stays alive, wins!" 

 Mmmmm... I hear they are more talentless they are, the tastier they are.

I'm going to make sure that when I eat the dude with the "quirky hair" it's really fucking painful.

Crazy Politics?!

Having a read through the BBC news website today, as I do, I came across an article that made me quite literally speechless for at least half an hour... Now that I've collected my thoughts, I figured I'd share it with you and see what you think.


Where Child Sacrifice is a Business...


I'll summarise this for people who may be viewing on phones or who can't be bothered to read the full article - basically what's happening is that children in and around Kampala, Uganda children are being kidnapped by Witch Doctors. The Witch Doctors are then sacrificing the children on the behalf of the countries 'elite' because they believe it will bring them great wealth.


I almost, ALMOST don't know where to start with this one. 


According to the article, at least one of the people responsible for child sacrifices has been named, a man called Awali. The reporters posed as local businessmen and asked around, and were pointed in this guys direction. When they met up with him, to cut a long story short, he offered them some options. Which were...


"Bury the child alive on your construction site"
and
"Cut them in different places and put their blood in a bottle of spiritual medicine."


If the child involved is male, he is beheaded and castrated. The body is then dumped somewhere. And apparently, this makes someone really quite wealthy.


Awali admitted that he has sacrificed many children and boasted that he is really quite good at it.


The reporters handed their notes in to the police, and yet Awali is still free, and still 'trading'.


Now, my first thought is this:


We - and I mean the entirety of the UK pretty much, and other countries as well put an ENORMOUS emphasis on the protection of children, and quite rightly so. They are the future after all! We don't just focus on the children of the UK - there are hundreds and thousands of charities which dedicate their time and resources to protecting children in countries such as Africa from starvation, disease...


What I can't understand is why we can't do anything to protect children from being slaughtered in the name of greed?


I don't know if it's just me, and I haven't really had the time to think this through a great deal so I may still change my mind as I mull over it some more. But does it strike anyone else as strange that we can put this happy, smiley and helpful front on - 


"We'll give you clean drinking water! We'll teach you how to make the most of your land to feed yourself! We'll help set up schools and hospitals!"


And yet we aren't able to do anything to protect the poor babies who are being snatched as they walk home from school, savagely tortured, maimed and killed, all for the alleged benefit to big shot businessmen?! 


No, THAT issue we'll leave them to sort out themselves - it's far too messy for us to get involved in. 


These children are no less important than our own. If the Ugandan Police won't do anything about the situation, we should be able to send some troops over there to take Awali down and teach the bastards a lesson. Oh but... We can't do that. It's not our place. 


Politics isn't it. 

*Edit: I mean, it does just seem to me that we're an entire nation of 'let's just talk about things, report stuff, make sure everyone knows what's going on, and then not do anything about it'. It distresses me.


** And another thing... If I'd been the reporter responsible for talking to Awali, I don't think I'd have been able to finish my assignment without being guilty of murder myself at the end of it. Oh but you can guarantee that if anyone was to do something like that to Awali, they'd get put in prison quicker than you can say 'thecountryisruledbytherichsonothingwillgetdoneaboutthissonofabitch"

"Alternative Models"

Now, before I get started on my rant, I'd like to say not ALL alternative models make me want to punch them. For example you have the exceptionally beautiful Fae Raven - see http://www.facebook.com/LittleMissFaeRaven And you'll see what I mean. Her photo's definitely do not offend my eyes. She is a legitimate model, and her pictures are lovely to look at. See also Charlotte Herbert - http://www.facebook.com/CharlotteHerbsModel - I really like this chick too, she's got a gorgeous body, a lot of attitude and fair fucking play for showing off your assets, both of you. Respect.


So, this is something I have thought for quite some time now. What is an 'alternative' model? Because it seems to me it's just a label that people use as an excuse half the time for really rough looking girls to take their clothes off. 


I'm aware that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but really... The photo's that you put up are just. Plain. Offensive. To my eyes. I mean really, you make me want to gouge my eyes out, with a hot hot spoon. I'm sure someone, somewhere will pay you a compliment for your efforts, but I assure you, 95% of the population do not want to see it.


I'm not going to name any names, because I'm a bitch but I'm not brave enough to publicly slag people off on a blog (I think that is a touch TOO mean) But WHY do girls nowadays - between the ages of 16 and 30 usually - feel it is necessary to take off their clothes, get into a 'seductive' *coughskankycough* pose - usually involving a motorbike, or a guitar - and get their pervy male friend photographer to take photo's of them? Just to post on Facebook? They are not promoting anything. They are not showing off their assets. Some of them, have an acceptable body... But your face needs a paper bag over it love. The world will be a better place if you COVER YOURSELF UP. Seriously.


Now some people may read this and think I'm jealous. Or that I just don't have a body that I'd like to get out and display in public. Jealous? No. I am however a realist. I am proud of my body - but my boobs are less than perfect due to nearly a year of breastfeeding, and I have stretchmarks that go OVER my belly button that can be blamed on the same perfect little minx. I am happy with that, I accept it.


More importantly, I don't feel the need to put pictures of myself up half naked on the internet, because I don't need anyone's approval. Newsflash girls, for the most part, you are not showing the world how independent and alternative you are, and you're certainly not showing your rockstar 'I don't care what you think' attitude. You're BEGGING for people to notice you, you're begging for approval and you're making yourself seem desperate for attention. Why do you care so much what random men think of you? Is their approval REALLY going to make you happy? Will it really make you feel better about yourself? No. 


Here's my advice - unless you're actually successful, and have a hope of making a living - find a new hobby, a new road to take. One that when you have children, won't make them want to kill themselves from the embarrassment. If the only comments you get are based around what these men would like to do to you - realise that this doesn't mean they actually value you in any way, shape or form. 


Call me old fashioned but... Surely it's better to be valued for your mind, your sense of humour and your passion for life, rather than your excellent ability to get your tits and fanny out at a minutes notice?


I'd like to say again, this isn't aimed at EVERY model. It certainly isn't aimed at any of my very beautiful and talented friends who have chosen to do this, be it professionally or as a hobby. It's for the other ones. You know... The crap ones.