Why I Hate Reality TV...

Now then.


Hate is a very strong word. A word that I would usually reserve for murderers, rapists, paedophiles, sushi and the occasional ex boyfriend, but a word that also relates very well to how I feel about 'Reality' TV.

There is nothing good about Sushi. Ever. If you eat sushi, you may as well give up on life.

To clarify, when I say 'reality' TV, I specifically mean the following programs...

• Big Brother
• The Only Way Is Essex
• Made In Chelsea
• Jersey Shore
• The Hills
• X Factor
• Pop Idol
• Anything else along those lines. Except for the occasional episode of Britains Got Talent, but only because I really enjoy watching the dance troupes. For the record I did not rate Faces Of Disco or the little singing girl. You know the one. The creepy one.

Faces of Dicks... Oh.

Oh, I also really don't like any of Kerry Katona or Katie Price's 'reality' series. But that's for a different post...

I've mentioned my hatred of 'Made in Chelsea' before, possibly in connection to the following threats to my fiancee when he's made the mistake of putting it on our telly:

"If you don't turn this over right now, I'm going to run you over with my car."

"If you insist on keeping this on the telly, you have got NO idea how hard I will punch you."

"Turn it off. Turn It Off. Turn It OFF. TURN IT OFF. TURN IT OFF. TURN IT OFF OR DIE."

That particular program fills me with a soul destroying rage, and I can't put my finger on exactly why, but it could be any or all of these things:

• The accent. There is something really annoying about the accent. Usually it wouldn't bother me, but I think when you've got that accent combined with the rest of these points it just sends me over the edge.
• The 'look'. I really really hate the look of all of these people. I mean, their faces... (I'm going to borrow a phrase from one of my bosses now) Their faces really offend me and affect my day. Alright, it's not so much the colour of their eyes or hair, but the expressions. Don't they always seem to be pulling a face that says 'I think I'm SO AMAAHZING.'
• The point. I really, can honestly say I do not understand what the creators were thinking...
  "Hey I've got this idea for a new TV program"
  "Oh right... What's that then?"
  "Well, we make a reality TV show, but we script it."
  "Right... So do we use real actors then?"
  "No. We take completely talentless people, and script their real lives so that we have a massively unentertaining and unconvincing television program about literally nothing."
  "I LOVE IT! Let's do it."

Once upon a time, my Fiancee informed me that he finds the accent on "Made In Chelsea" attractive.

Now, usually I don't mind things like that. But in my head, him saying he finds ANYTHING about those girls attractive is the equivalent of me saying I would like to have a threesome with Jedward. It. Is. Not. Right.

Seriously. How is it possible that they were BOTH dropped on their heads at birth?!

Now, as for Big Brother - FOR FUCKS SAKE, JUST GIVE UP ALREADY. Just let it die. It's not exciting. It's not interesting. It is not a social experiment. It is getting a bunch of complete tossers into a house and making them do ridiculous things. Which would only be entertaining for me if I was in charge.

"Todays challenge housemates, is to avoid the bloody great big hungry lion that I've just let in through the front door. The one who stays alive, wins!" 

 Mmmmm... I hear they are more talentless they are, the tastier they are.

I'm going to make sure that when I eat the dude with the "quirky hair" it's really fucking painful.