Ugly Fashion

I'M BACK!


Sorry, it's been a while... I'm really blimmin' busy. No time. Busy busy busy. Mustn't stop. Always rushing. 


Anyway, welcome to today's blog post. It is confused. It can't make up its mind if it's angry, sad or just laughing at you. 


I've become tired of 'fashion'. Fashion just isn't my thing... I'm more of a 'see it, like it, wear it' kind of girl... And at the moment, I am just not seeing much I like. Which is probably a good thing, seeing as I'm poorer than I HAVE EVER BEEN.


So, here is a list of a few of the ugly fashions. Some of them may not be recent, I don't know... They're just weird trends that I've noticed - and to be frank - I hate.




1. Loafers


The first one - loafers. Ugly shoes offend me, and these are quite simply no exception. Do you want to know why? It is really, very simple... I'm pretty sure my Granny has had shoes like this. And she's in her 80's. So I can only conclude that they are not chic, sexy or attractive in any way, shape or form. Even worse than the ones pictured here, are brown loafers with tassels, or any colour loafer with that kind of, goldie lookin' chain on the toe... You know the one I mean. Maybe that's where the crap band got their name from. Ugly shoes.

Hi. I make your feet look like the feet of a Grandmother.

2. "Vintage" Jumpers.
Now, this time I am referring to a fashion that your Grandfather may have once been involved in. He probably wore this on chilly winter evenings while listening to the wireless and smoking his pipe. I honestly believe that if I came home in one of these, the Mister would probably bash me over the head with something and take me to the nearest mental hospital.

I'm so turned on right now, I want to remove your clothes piece by piece while... No. I can't keep a straight face. There's no way to make this atrocity sexy.

3. Brogues
THESE ARE MAN SHOES?! ARE YOU MENTAL?!

I'm not saying that there aren't people out there who can pull it off. I'm just saying, I'd like to pull them off and throw them into the Thames. Dirty, dirty Thames. Where they belong.

4. Harem Pants

Let me introduce you to these little wonders. If you've never seen them before, let me explain their purpose - They're really very baggy around the top, and tight at the bottom. This means, you can store all your things in there, and bish-bash-bosh no need for a handbag! Sorted. 

And if you get caught short there's room for a cheeky poo in there too! 

5. Women's Tuxedo
There's a reason women don't wear men's clothes. It's because we're women. The end. 

Hello. I call myself Neil at the weekends.

6. Palazzo Trouser
Now I'll be honest, I don't hate ALL of these. On some women - mainly tall, and very very skinny ones, they can look quite elegant. However, on a NORMAL person, they look ridiculous. I especially hate patterned ones...

When you wear these, you may as well be wearing a floaty, swooshy migraine.

7. Harness Accessories

Apparently this is the latest in fashion. 

I honestly don't even know what to do with this.

I think if I was wearing this, I'd feel like I should be hanging from someone's ceiling. In a dungeon. In my knickers. And I'm not into that. 

I'm kinky, but I'm wearing a shirt so you know I'm classy too... Or something.

8. Collar Accessories
Uuuuum... I'm confused. Could she not decide what to wear? Because that dress/top thing is actually quite sexy. Her hair is pretty. Her makeup is very well done. And then some fucker cut the collar off of her Dads shirt and glued it to her neck, and now she is stuck with it forever. That's all I can assume, because I don't think she'd have worn that out of choice. Would she?

I mean... If you want to wear a shirt... Just... Y'know... Wear a shirt.

9. Crocs

The last thing on my list, is something I have hated with a burning, passionate, fiery vengeance for a very, very long time. I mean, I really truly cannot find anything good about them. I'm not certain that they count as a 'fashion' in the same sense as the rest of the items, but I couldn't leave them out. I'm sure they're very comfortable... But for me to wear these at any point in my life I would have to be chloroformed or something, because they really, truly are the most offensive shoes I have EVER seen. I genuinely do not understand them. My Mum (sorry Mum) had some lilac ones, and when she put them on... Well. I wanted to push her over. And I love my Mum. Just maybe... Maybe not as much as I hate Crocs.

The day these became available to buy was the day that I died inside.

That's all folks. I look forward to indignant comments...

Too BUSY!

I've been severely neglecting my blogging duties. 


Work at the day job is really full on, plus I'm doing my course, plus copywriting work, I'm tired.


Blogging can wait for a bit... Apologies X

Pink Hair

So, over the weekend, after recovering from my nasty fluey bug thing I decided that I was going to dye my hair pink.


My hair, to start with was black. 


Here is my photo diary/tutorial of how to get black hair pink... 


Start with black black hair. Like this.

You will like your black hair, but you'll get bored of it. Or I will. I got bored of it. I needed a change. So I wrapped my head in clingfilm, for a look that says 'come and get me fella's... Oh wait. No it doesn't.

Now then, this is stage one. Using Colour B4 from boots, this was the first attempt to lift some of the black dye out of my hair. My hair is naturally a mousy brown colour (with a hint of ginger and damn proud of it) but I've been dyeing my hair since about age 11 - starting with wash in/wash out colours, moving on to semi permanents, bleach, highlights... then on top of that bleach, dark red, purple and black dye. Basically my hair no longer has a 'natural' colour as such. Colour B4 aims to remove only dye pigment from your hair, not touching the actual hair pigment itself. It contains no bleach and no ammonia so is quite nice and gentle.


Now, the first time I used Colour B4 was to go from dark brown. It took me to a VERY bright blonde/ginger (previously bleached colour) and was pretty easy to dye. This time... Not so much. It just took me to this...

That would be dark ginger, and still very dark red at the ends. Hmmm. 


So, the next course of action was to use Jerome Russell B Blonde. Which meant I looked like this..

... For a bit longer. Lovely I think you'll agree.


So, after Colour B4 AND 60 entire minutes of bleaching, my hair looked like... This.

That's pretty ginge to be honest. Patchy ginge no less.
But still not light enough to put pink dye over... Damnit. At this point, I had to send my LOVELY fiancee to Boots for some more bleach. Seriously. 

I only left the bleach on for half an hour, and it was really just to get rid of the very dark patches. I was VERY VERY careful not to COMPLETELY fuck my hair. My fiancee, bless him, is/was a hairdresser, so I was being closely monitored. Be careful with bleach girls. Shelley can tell you, hair like chewing gum is NOT FUN! 


SO. After an hour of Colour B4, 90 minutes of bleaching (in stages) I was ready to put the colour on. I chose a Crazy Colour dye, in Cyclamen. And now I look like this...

Tips:

• When using Colour B4, make sure you rinse for at LEAST 5-10 minutes. You WILL get bored, but the more you rinse, the more colour pigment will be removed and the happier a chappy you will be.
• As you can see, at every 'stage' of this process, I covered my hair in clingfilm or a cap. This helps trap the heat which increases the efficiency of the colourant/bleach you are using. 
• When you're dyeing your hair with a Crazy Colour, be as OCD as you can about NOT GETTING IT ON YOUR FRICKING SKIN. I have pink fingernails, and that is just from the rinsing out! It stains everything - clothes, the bath, your forehead. VASELINE all over your face and neck, and if you value your white shower/bathtub, you may want to give that a coat of the stuff too. 
• Attempt to not wash your hair very often. Minging... Dry shampoo is the way forward here though, to help stop it fading.

I'm pretty pleased with my pink hair... I am NOT so pleased with the fact that in not one of these photo's am I wearing make-up. You've seen me at my worst. Shit.

A short diary update!

Helloooo!


I have neglected my blogging duties for a couple of days due to being poorly - seem to have the full works going on, headache/earache/sore throat/bad neck/high temp/dizzy. It's pretty sucky but my lovely Mum and Sister have been helping me out with Mini-Me so some rest has been had and hopefully I'll feel better in the morning. Mum also delivered me a 'red cross parcel' - pain killers, throat lozenges, cold thingys to go on my head, berocca, soup. What a legend.


Anyway! Some good stuff has happened over the last couple of days! My course material arrived, which means I am finally able to stop waiting around for things to change and start kicking some writing ass (haha). I have set up my 'business' page - Katy Clement, Copywriter, and I've got a few little jobs lined up already. I'm really optimistic about the way things are headed. Hopefully I can keep the momentum going!


That's all for tonight as I need to go and wrap myself up in a duvet and snuggle the cat, but as soon as I can blog without wanting to rip my face off and bash it on the keyboard I will be back...


Have a good weekend!

Inspiration

When I'm feeling a bit low or demotivated, I usually search the internet for some wisdom to pick me up and remind me what I'm all about... Here are a few of my favourite quotes. 


'Ability is what you're able to do, motivation determines what you do and attitude determines how well you do it.' - Unknown


'Excellence is not a skill. It's an attitude' - Ralph Marston


'Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results' - Albert Einstein


'Build upon your strengths, and weaknesses will take care of themselves' - Joyce C Lock


'You have to learn the rules of the game - Then you have to play better than anyone else' - Albert Einstein


'Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that.' - Norman Vincent Peale


'If you want to accomplish anything in life, you can't just sit back and hope it will happen - you've got to make it happen.' - Chuck Norris


'Follow your honest convictions, and stay strong.' - William Thackeray


'Energy and persistence conquer all things.' - Benjamin Franklin




I love words. And Yoda.

Why I Hate Reality TV...

Now then.


Hate is a very strong word. A word that I would usually reserve for murderers, rapists, paedophiles, sushi and the occasional ex boyfriend, but a word that also relates very well to how I feel about 'Reality' TV.

There is nothing good about Sushi. Ever. If you eat sushi, you may as well give up on life.

To clarify, when I say 'reality' TV, I specifically mean the following programs...

• Big Brother
• The Only Way Is Essex
• Made In Chelsea
• Jersey Shore
• The Hills
• X Factor
• Pop Idol
• Anything else along those lines. Except for the occasional episode of Britains Got Talent, but only because I really enjoy watching the dance troupes. For the record I did not rate Faces Of Disco or the little singing girl. You know the one. The creepy one.

Faces of Dicks... Oh.

Oh, I also really don't like any of Kerry Katona or Katie Price's 'reality' series. But that's for a different post...

I've mentioned my hatred of 'Made in Chelsea' before, possibly in connection to the following threats to my fiancee when he's made the mistake of putting it on our telly:

"If you don't turn this over right now, I'm going to run you over with my car."

"If you insist on keeping this on the telly, you have got NO idea how hard I will punch you."

"Turn it off. Turn It Off. Turn It OFF. TURN IT OFF. TURN IT OFF. TURN IT OFF OR DIE."

That particular program fills me with a soul destroying rage, and I can't put my finger on exactly why, but it could be any or all of these things:

• The accent. There is something really annoying about the accent. Usually it wouldn't bother me, but I think when you've got that accent combined with the rest of these points it just sends me over the edge.
• The 'look'. I really really hate the look of all of these people. I mean, their faces... (I'm going to borrow a phrase from one of my bosses now) Their faces really offend me and affect my day. Alright, it's not so much the colour of their eyes or hair, but the expressions. Don't they always seem to be pulling a face that says 'I think I'm SO AMAAHZING.'
• The point. I really, can honestly say I do not understand what the creators were thinking...
  "Hey I've got this idea for a new TV program"
  "Oh right... What's that then?"
  "Well, we make a reality TV show, but we script it."
  "Right... So do we use real actors then?"
  "No. We take completely talentless people, and script their real lives so that we have a massively unentertaining and unconvincing television program about literally nothing."
  "I LOVE IT! Let's do it."

Once upon a time, my Fiancee informed me that he finds the accent on "Made In Chelsea" attractive.

Now, usually I don't mind things like that. But in my head, him saying he finds ANYTHING about those girls attractive is the equivalent of me saying I would like to have a threesome with Jedward. It. Is. Not. Right.

Seriously. How is it possible that they were BOTH dropped on their heads at birth?!

Now, as for Big Brother - FOR FUCKS SAKE, JUST GIVE UP ALREADY. Just let it die. It's not exciting. It's not interesting. It is not a social experiment. It is getting a bunch of complete tossers into a house and making them do ridiculous things. Which would only be entertaining for me if I was in charge.

"Todays challenge housemates, is to avoid the bloody great big hungry lion that I've just let in through the front door. The one who stays alive, wins!" 

 Mmmmm... I hear they are more talentless they are, the tastier they are.

I'm going to make sure that when I eat the dude with the "quirky hair" it's really fucking painful.

Big Sis.

When I was younger I used to share a room with my big sister.


Little girls idolise their big sisters, for the most part anyway and I don't think we were any exception - I used to love sharing a room with her, used to try on her clothes when she was out, play with her makeup, walk around in her shoes, read her diary. Yeah. That happened Sis. Sorry about that.


At night time, she occasionally used to make me sing her to sleep. Or we'd sit up talking and she'd tell me about what her wedding would be like (she'd been planning it since about age 6 I think...). We'd have some awesome sisterly chats about boys and once, on Valentines Day early on in my secondary school career, I was a bit miserable because I didn't get any cards. So she made one, signed "?" and sneaked it into my bag... Aaaaw. Lush.

Then there was the other side of our relationship.


All sisters bicker... But once, I sat on the top bunk and whacked her over the head with a recorder because she was being particularly irritating. I'm fairly certain she deserved it, although I can't entirely remember why. (This wasn't as bad as it could have been to be fair, our older brother Dave has been known to throw many things at her face, including a basketball, and a shoe. I think he once winded her by hitting a tennis ball at her) In fact, thinking about it, she must have been a bit of a prick at times for us to want to do these things to her... It couldn't have been anything about Dave and I needing anger management or something.


My absolute favourite example of how cunning my big sister can be is the game we used to play to tidy our bedroom. Here are the rules...

• She is the Fairy Queen.
• I am the Fairy Slave.
• She sits on the top bunk and gives orders.
• I obey the orders - and the outcome is that I unknowingly tidy the room.

She came up with that game all by herself. Sneaky cow. I was only little, and I fell for it... More than once come to think of it. She never had to tidy the room, and I DEFINITELY never got to be the Queen!


I won't hold it against her. I'm sure she's forgiven me for the bash over the head and various other things I've done to her. Hopefully. I'm sure there's more I can say about my sister... But to be honest, the only reason this blog post is about this is because I sat here and went 'Hmmm, what shall I write about?' and I was instructed to write about the Fairy Queen game.

And everyone knows, I wouldn't disobey an order from the Fairy Queen...

But I will post pictures of her on my blog.

 This is her normal face.

 She's classy.

 Possible she's just been propositioned.

 Self explanatory.

 Jessica Rabbit. Obviously.

 I don't know what that is on her face, but I have my suspicions.

The Truth About "Girls Night In"

Here it is. Here's the truth about what we REALLY get up to. It's steamy... You've been warned.

• Google images of baby animals.

 Aaaah. I wanna rub it's tummy.

• Talk about Tania's inability to find or use her "indoor voice"

• Argue about what food to order.

• Argue about who is going to order food.

• Scream at Tania while she's on the phone ordering food.

• Discuss the different types of cupcake icing.

•  Discuss Tania's inner child.

 GIVE ME CAAAAAKE!!

• Scream about the ham infiltrating Shelley's pizza. Invading pink bastard.

• Discuss Tania's tendencies towards phone racism.

• Take the piss out of Tania for being a Googletard.

• Discuss whether or not unicorns are dirty. Decide that Charlie probably is.

• Watch Extreme Makeover

• Spew while watching the 'Brazilian Buttlift' on Extreme Makeover

•  Remind each other of good episodes of Big Bang Theory

• Tania's lovehole is closing up... It's like a well now.

• Watch video's of Tania sleeping...

• And finally... Jesus is basically Lego. According to (in Tania's words) "the the the the the the ummm.. Mmmm. Man with the thing that came in yesterday and I don't know if he is called a Vicar or a Reverend, or a Minister or a Priest, but he was a man". Discuss.

I'm afraid that's all for tonight folks... It's going to be a busy weekend! Lots of things happening! Things to see, people to do! 

Crazy Politics?!

Having a read through the BBC news website today, as I do, I came across an article that made me quite literally speechless for at least half an hour... Now that I've collected my thoughts, I figured I'd share it with you and see what you think.


Where Child Sacrifice is a Business...


I'll summarise this for people who may be viewing on phones or who can't be bothered to read the full article - basically what's happening is that children in and around Kampala, Uganda children are being kidnapped by Witch Doctors. The Witch Doctors are then sacrificing the children on the behalf of the countries 'elite' because they believe it will bring them great wealth.


I almost, ALMOST don't know where to start with this one. 


According to the article, at least one of the people responsible for child sacrifices has been named, a man called Awali. The reporters posed as local businessmen and asked around, and were pointed in this guys direction. When they met up with him, to cut a long story short, he offered them some options. Which were...


"Bury the child alive on your construction site"
and
"Cut them in different places and put their blood in a bottle of spiritual medicine."


If the child involved is male, he is beheaded and castrated. The body is then dumped somewhere. And apparently, this makes someone really quite wealthy.


Awali admitted that he has sacrificed many children and boasted that he is really quite good at it.


The reporters handed their notes in to the police, and yet Awali is still free, and still 'trading'.


Now, my first thought is this:


We - and I mean the entirety of the UK pretty much, and other countries as well put an ENORMOUS emphasis on the protection of children, and quite rightly so. They are the future after all! We don't just focus on the children of the UK - there are hundreds and thousands of charities which dedicate their time and resources to protecting children in countries such as Africa from starvation, disease...


What I can't understand is why we can't do anything to protect children from being slaughtered in the name of greed?


I don't know if it's just me, and I haven't really had the time to think this through a great deal so I may still change my mind as I mull over it some more. But does it strike anyone else as strange that we can put this happy, smiley and helpful front on - 


"We'll give you clean drinking water! We'll teach you how to make the most of your land to feed yourself! We'll help set up schools and hospitals!"


And yet we aren't able to do anything to protect the poor babies who are being snatched as they walk home from school, savagely tortured, maimed and killed, all for the alleged benefit to big shot businessmen?! 


No, THAT issue we'll leave them to sort out themselves - it's far too messy for us to get involved in. 


These children are no less important than our own. If the Ugandan Police won't do anything about the situation, we should be able to send some troops over there to take Awali down and teach the bastards a lesson. Oh but... We can't do that. It's not our place. 


Politics isn't it. 

*Edit: I mean, it does just seem to me that we're an entire nation of 'let's just talk about things, report stuff, make sure everyone knows what's going on, and then not do anything about it'. It distresses me.


** And another thing... If I'd been the reporter responsible for talking to Awali, I don't think I'd have been able to finish my assignment without being guilty of murder myself at the end of it. Oh but you can guarantee that if anyone was to do something like that to Awali, they'd get put in prison quicker than you can say 'thecountryisruledbytherichsonothingwillgetdoneaboutthissonofabitch"

Things that have made me smile today...

1. Mini-me goes to play at Nana and Grandads house while I'm at work, and today was a work day. The fact that she goes there makes me smile all by itself, she ALWAYS looks forward to it and I know that she is being looked after by my parents - who love her NEARLY as much as I do.

The second part of this that made me smile today was her demands on the way there in the car - 'Mummy, I want sausages, tomatoes and bacon for my breakfast'. Oh right. Okay then.

The third part is this conversation between my Dad and Mini-Me...

Dad: Moooooo

Mini-Me: Stop cowing!

Dad: Miaow!

Mini-Me: Stop catting!

Dad: Woof woof!

Mini-Me: Stop DOGGING!

Teehee.

2. A few weeks ago my lovely Hubster-to-be got really quite narky because he'd overheard a guy at work saying some unpleasant things about me (yes, we work together, no, it's not weird). He didn't say anything because he's professional, but he did tell me! This kind of thing doesn't bother me in the slightest - I figure everyone has a bitch and a moan at some point, and with the number of people I work with, at some point I'm BOUND to be the focus of their gripes... Anyway, today this dude actually admitted to my face that he'd said some things he wasn't proud of and apologised in a very awkward manner. It made me smile because I didn't really feel that it was necessary, but obviously he did, and I appreciate that a lot.

3. My new boss had literally NO idea what to make of me when I turned up with purple and blue dreadlocks today. That was quite entertaining.

4. I'm making Chili Con Carne for tea, yum. Although, I do have to do the washing up first... Not so yum.

5. I just sent my fella a picture of my boobies, while he is still at work. Shits and giggles... 

6. My bestie Shelley has made some quite frankly astounding looking cakes, and I'm hoping she might save me one.

7. I have hit over 1600 views now... Thankyou to everyone who has had a look. Please follow me, that would make me smile even HARDER. 

8, 9 & 10. Today I have signed up for The Institute of Copywriting's Copywriting Course! This is a VERY big deal for me. I'm not academic. I hated school. I hated homework. I dropped out of 6th form. And this is the first time in my life I've felt motivated enough to actually WANT to do something like this - and I really, really, really wanted it. It's going to make so much difference to me - I like to know what I'm on about you see, it's all very well doing an amateur blog, but I want to get PAID to write. It's so exciting to think that this time next year I could be working from home - hopefully earning some decent money. My long-term plan is to earn enough to put the Hubster through a course that he wants to do (considerably more expensive than this one) so that we can both do jobs that we enjoy, earn enough money to be comfortable and generally have a slightly simpler life. 

Being able to sign up to this course has only been made possible because a chick I don't know very well offered to help fund it with a loan. We've known each other some years, but I'd say we've never been particularly close friends, and at times have had our spats. She had no reason to want to help me out, other than a heart of gold and in her words 

'there's a lot of bastards in the world, someone has to balance them out.'

She has, for now, restored my faith in humankind, myself and my future. Even if for some reason the course doesn't pan out the way I want it to (it totally will though...) I will be grateful to her for just being good enough to give a shit. 

Lady Gaga - Love/Hate?

I really don't get Lady Gaga.

I mean the woman is pretty bloody odd by anyones standards, and to be honest I can only assume that the peculiar outfits (like one made of meat)...

 She's got red eye too. Definitely something not right there.

The accessories... 

 A sheep anyone? I wanted to say something about a "Ba-a-a-a-a-ad Romance"...

And songs that are hideously catchy and yet make absolutely no sense whatsoever seem to point (in my humble opinion) to a woman who is deeply insecure and craves attention like a fat kid craves chocolate hobnobs (these were my snack of choice at my heaviest...)

This is all fine - I'm not slagging her off (well, not really. If you think this is me being mean, you ain't seen NOTHIN' yet) but in all honesty, Gaga worries me. I really do think that she is going to end up being just another Michael Jackson/Amy Winehouse story. Which is a shame - She is obviously talented. But someone who could go out in public looking like this:

W.T.F?!

really can't be quite right can she. I like Sesame Street as much as the next, I enjoy meat and I do quite like sheep. But I don't want to smother myself in children's toys, my meat should be in a sandwich or covered in gravy and to be honest, so should the sheep. Or in a pie. Or at a farm park, being fed from a bottle by small children. 

Why aren't her friends and family doing something about this? If my sister decided one day that she was going to tie all of my neices teddies on a rope and wear it around her neck, I'd have words. If my best friend Shelley suddenly wanted to make herself a dress out of garden veg I would probably sit her down and slap her. I think they'd both appreciate why.

Someone needs to give that chick some tough love. Tell her that she's not being herself and that she's actually being fucking strange and is probably going to die alone, off her tits on drugs and singing songs in a made up language. I'm all for expressing yourself and some people may have similar opinions on my sense of style - but this lot really takes that to the next level doesn't it? Respect for how successful she is, I don't mind some of her music, but seriously. Don't go down the road we all deep down think you're going to go down. You can do better! Baby... You most certainly were not "Born This Way".

See?